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Suicide watch

If you are a member of my Patreon page, you'll know that this last month has had its intense moments for me.


I tell the story of my suicide ideation, without the actualisation. Praise be.


What ill write about here is the end bit (or middle to end bit). The place I finally get to as I experience the stages of heaviness, pain so overwhelming that I just want it to end, no matter how extreme the method.


Lucky for me, I have had so many of these experiences that you could say I'm somewhat of an expert on how to deal with them. Even though I may forget the steps to overcoming the situation to begin with, I always get there in the end.


Since we are all going through some hard life lessons at the moment, ill share these steps with you now.


Pic by Steve Smith


If I am deep in the pain cave:


First, I will acknowledge the pain I am experiencing.


This allows me to just accept what is happening instead of rejecting it, which bypasses further pain that avoiding your current situation can bring.


Second, I sincerely thank the pain.


By acknowledging the part the pain plays as the noble teacher, I also appreciate the fact that it illuminates what I need to look at within myself in order to avoid this pain in future. Additionally, it supports emotional, psychological and spiritual growth. What's not to appreciate!


Third and lastly, I give myself love and lots of it.


I know for some of you, this is not an easy task but the more you practice it, the better you get at it. It took years of practice before I truly started to love myself.


For some of you, giving yourself love is imperative, considering you may not be receiving it from anyone else.


I promise you that once you get good at this, you wont need to look for anything or anyone outside of yourself to soothe you. You will become your own counselor, mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, spiritual guide or whoever else it is that you would imagine you'd get all that squishy, lovey good stuff from.


You'll even get to the point where you would rather feel pain fully than drown it out with drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, food or whatever your preferred poison is. I know, hard to imagine but speaking from experience, it's completely possible.


Once you have reached that level of self love and acceptance, the world truly is your oyster.


These are my steps for conquering dark times. I hope they help you.


Let it be known that these are not hard and fast rules on what to do when you're really going through it but more of a loose guide. Different things work for different people. Try various methods to see what works for you. Just don't wait till it's too late to call someone if you need to.


Remember that there are organisations that are here to help if you can't stomach it on your own and if you do get to that point, it's definitely nothing to be ashamed of.


Click HERE for a list of international suicide hotlines.


Sending you so much fucking love, beautiful reader of my humble blog.


R xx

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